Looking to the mind for answers and guidance, at least for the important questions and problems, can only produce unsatisfactory results, for the head is the heart's low second in command. The heart is the captain. The mind lives in a state of duality and can only produce in dualistic terms. There will always be a war in the mind when we try to champion one pair of opposites over another. Strive as we will, true peace cannot be found nor created with the mind. It is only the heart that has the capacity for the inner peace, self-acceptance, and love that we seek. If we try to reconcile these with the mind, however, they will disappear from our experience, for, the mind can only hold the version of peace that includes war, only the version of self-acceptance that includes self-rejection, and only the version of love that includes fear or disdain.
Why are we so insistent that we must understand ourselves and our world through our minds? Is it lack of trusting the heart? Ourselves? Life? God/Universal Wisdom? Why are we so ready to trust our mind? Does our sense of "self" seek to "know" with the mind to be fulfilled? To feel valuable? Perhaps, trusting the mind is like looking to the first mate of a ship to do the captains job! I think, at least for me, it is a lack of trust in the heart's wisdom that keeps me looking to the mind to figure out my problems, my life, and the cause of my sufferings.
One thing that keeps me in my mind is that I do not want to overlook anything: any of my faults or lessons I need to learn. Nor do I want to ignore or repress any aspect of a problem or experience. Can I trust in my heart to guide me without looking to the mind for direction, for understanding? I have been trying so hard for so many years and am finding that I cannot figure out myself, my problems, or how to best be with others through my mind.
I am so glad I choose to sit with my demon-struggle and not run off in these early morning hours to distract myself from inner anguish with busyness of body and mind. I am grateful for the utter failure of my mind to "figure out" my inner dilemmas. I am exhausted from the unending struggle and weary of the pain. I have been such a stubborn one, insisting that I figure this all out! Yet, I know that, at least, part of my insistence comes from a desire to truly live as the loving and wise being that I know as the true essence of us all. And for this, I will love this misguided little self that has stubbornly clung to its need to know with the mind. Yes, you see, little "fallen" self that has struggled so long, you are loved and accepted, even in your blindness.
The Heart is the Captain: A Wake Up Call
But what about the pain of realizing that my actions have caused pain for others? Sometimes I think I act too aggressively. What is aggressiveness? I think it is self-focused action: impulsively acting to fulfill a need without regard for others or the situation at hand. It is ego. When I see that my actions have caused someone pain, I get stuck in self-recrimination. Wait a minute! I just noticed that my concern for how I have hurt others is causing me to remain focused on myself: still self-focused before and after the regrettable action!
Maybe the pain or guilt we experience when we perceive we have closed our heart to another is just a wake up call to consciousness. Just a sharp poke in the side to call our attention to the fact that we were asleep or caught in some story or misperception that caused us to act as we did. I know that, when I hold on to this painful prod and move into self recrimination, I am paralyzed to further action, especially positive action, and remain stuck in unproductive negativity.
This is probably why self-forgiveness is so important. It is impossible to move forward without it. I am not a bad person (though in my darkest times my mind may try to convince me otherwise). I just got stuck in my head and went a little crazy! I'm sorry! Back into my heart and then into the next moment! Ah, what a relief that I do not have to nail myself to my inner cross to atone for "my sins"! Instead, I will connect to my heart, the part of me that knows "who I am" and how I really want to show up in this life. And then, with open hearted intention, allow myself to be lived by This and from This: a brave and grateful surrender into the unknown moment. This is all I can do, dear sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, children. It is all I can do - all that is of any real benefit.
The Heart is the Captain: Welcome Home
We are not really two and we are not only one. As an "I" that can see "you", I need to have a boundary but I am not separate from you. I smile, for I do enjoy seeing you in this way: as "me" as "you". Meeting like this feels safe, familiar yet unique. My heart is warmed by currents of joy and love that spontaneously arise as the essence of what is see. What a delightful welcome home in your eyes!
Celeste Walker
To speak with me personally or to make an appointment:
Call or email Celeste at 408-914-5441 or celestewalker1@yahoo.com. Office located on the boarders of San Jose, Los Gatos and Campbell: 3880 So. Bascom Ave. Suite 212 San Jose, CA. 95124
I look forward to meeting you and holding the space for you to heal, discover, and create a life that makes room for all of your dreams!
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